As much as I do not want to admit this, I have only experienced spontaneous unconditional love toward three people in my life; I have chosen love more frequently, but as far as loving because I just can't help it? I think that only happens when you exude love for your children. It is no wonder that we are born as infants. When my babies were moments old, Lucas and Nicholas were both blue from the cord being wrapped around their precious necks and bruised from traumatic entries into the world, and Bethany had a very distinct nose and looked nothing like me, as funny looking as newborns are, my love for them couldn't help but overflow and ever since that day I find myself telling everyone how amazing my children are. Like I said, it is no accident that we do not enter the world as 13 year olds who "know" everything.
I've been thinking about this a lot today, because I'm exhausted. No one but my children could keep me up for hours in the middle of the night and suffer no ill will from me the next day. Little Nicholas, I am almost positive, has allergies. He was so congested in the night that sleep was next to impossible ... for both of us. I appreciate how sweet and happy he was. The only time he complained was when the aspirator had to be used (multiple times) to clear his tiny airways. And so, like I did with both Lucas and Bethany, I sat up for nearly three hours comforting, clearing and cajoling him back to sleep whilst watching episodes of Friends. (I collected the series during my first pregnancy so I would have something to keep me awake during middle of the night feedings.)
You know you're tired when you start wishing for the next morning's cup of coffee before you've even had dinner. Even when the mom has been up for half of her sleeping hours, she still must be awake first and other than during my pregnancy with Nicholas, I have never been a good napper, so I have been less than patient today. How grateful am I that when the day is over, it is over. That no matter how many times I've been short fused today, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it" (Montgomery). God knew what he was doing when he made day and evening. Somewhere in eternity, he knew that we would need a fresh start, and it's more than thrilled I am that His mercies are new every morning.
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How true. I had such a day on Saturday when I took all 3 kiddos to a fall festival held at a school. (Rob was out of town.) I got there and was told we couldn't park at the school but a mile away and use a shuttle bus. I had a lightweight stroller but still gulped at the thought of having to get it on and off the bus (twice) plus the car seat with Matthias in it, while keeping an eye on the girls. Our actual time at the festival was short because there was a ticket system for the activities that I couldn't figure out, and I was stressed. I really needed my husband there and felt I had bitten off more than I could chew, and when the bus on the way back to our vehicle dropped us off not in our parking lot but across the busy street from it - meaning I'd have to cross it fast with stroller and 2 kids running - I was DONE. Arriving back home I told my kids I was sorry it wasn't more fun and secretly dealt with my own disappointment that I wasnt' a more fun, easygoing mom that day. Thank God indeed that each day is a new clean slate and we always get a second chance.
ReplyDeleteYou put it so well. I love you, Lindsey.
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